Let Your Kid Wipe His Own Butt

Between sleep-training and potty-training, it's a wonder parents make it out of the toddler phase with any of their marbles. I'm constantly thinking, This is it! I'm really going lose my shit!

Amazingly, I don't.

Well, in an ugly twist, I am positive this latest development in potty-training is definitely going to do me in.

The Good News: My kid is so self sufficient, he goes to the potty by himself. The only time I have to prompt him to go, is when we are leaving the house. Pretty much, the only time he ever asks for help, is when he needs me to wipe his butt.


The Bad News: He's no longer calling me to wipe his butt. Which, sounds like a good thing, but without a butt wiping protocol already in place, things got messy, fast.

Truthfully, at just three years old, I haven't bothered to teach him to do it himself. He sucks at cleaning up spills, how on earth will he be able to wipe his own ass? Plus, the thought of him being tasked to do it without even my supervision kind of scares me.

So, when he calls me to wipe his butt, I happily do it.


Well, my fears were realized a few days ago when I found Ollie in the bathroom with half a roll of toilet paper stuck to his butt and the toilet.

Me: BUDDY! What are you doing?

The kid: The paper is stuck to my butt.

Me: Why didn't you call me?

The kid: I can do it myself.

Clearly, this was not the case.

I cleaned him up, explained that I needed to help him until he was a little bigger, and to call me next time. So much for our little talk,  I found him in another sticky predicament the next day.

Same conversation ensued.

It dawned on me on day three the kid is determined to wipe his own ass, whether I like it or not. There must be some inner need driving him.

So, the last two days have been a mission to teach the kid to do it himself.

While I can't say it's been the most hygienic experience, I can say that he is finding a HUGE boost in his independence doing it. So it's worth it. I just hope he gets the hang of it sooner than later.

Do Not Let Your Child Be Spoiled

I recently came across an article on POPSUGAR titled "10 Signs That A Child Is Spoiled." At first I thought, Ugh. Do I really want to read this?

Inherently, I know my kid is spoiled. I am a spineless twit when it comes to that kid. I spend my days trying to come up with creative ways of saying, "no" because the word itself doesn't register with him.

I read the article. I had to.

I'm so glad I did! By number four on the list, I was laughing my ass off.  It was clear my kid was spoiled, but according to the list, it wasn't all my fault. Or FTD's.

It was Nature's fault.

As in, the Nature of the beast...

Here's the list and my thoughts on each one:

1. S/He throws tantrums, often.  

 --HA! He's a toddler. Tantrum is his nickname.

2. He isn't ever satisfied.  

--Debatable. He's satisfied... when he gets his way.  Does that count?

3. He isn't helpful.

--Well... He's "helpful," just not in a helpful way.  He's always happy to help in his own way, which usually includes either making a huge mess or making things take three hundred times longer than they should. Or both.

4. He tries to control adults.  

--HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Hell yeah he tries to control adults. He was born thinking that was how things worked. When it comes to just about everything, he tries to control the situation. This would be why he's sleeping in my bed, not potty trained, picking out his breakfast and lunch and bitchy about bathtime and bedtime.

5. He frequently embarrasses you in public.  

--Um. Yes. Always.  He's a toddler! His behavior in public is atrocious. Before we even leave the house, I start prepping him for our day and what he will get if he is a "good boy."  It never works. The kid's behavior in public is work-in-progress that might kill me.

What do you think about the list?  Is your child spoiled or annoyingly age appropriate? What age do you think this list best relates to?