Risks of a Twin Pregnancy for Mother and Babies

A twin pregnancy comes with risks, both for the mother and the babies. Some moms hope to conceive twins or even higher-order multiples and will take active steps during fertility treatment to increase their odds. Other moms do what they can to avoid conceiving twins, but still get pregnant with more than one baby.

Understanding the risks of a twin pregnancy before you conceive can help you make decisions regarding your fertility treatment. For example, if your doctor offers a choice of transferring multiple embryos versus a single embryo during IVF treatment, you might be more willing to try a single embryo transfer (SET) if you know your risks. (Or, if your doctor doesn't even mention SET, you can ask if you're a good candidate for it, but only if you know your options.)

Understanding the risks of a twin pregnancy after you've already conceived twins is also important. For example, you can educate yourself on the signs and symptoms of premature labor, knowing prematurity is a risk with twins.

Not all risks are avoidable or within your control. Still, knowing what to watch out for can help reduce surprises along the way and increase your awareness of potentially troublesome symptoms.

Risks for the Mother During a Twin Pregnancy

Twin pregnancy is not just risky for the babies, but also to the mother. However, many of the risks to the mother are also risks to the unborn babies, since they can lead to premature labor, complications, or in the worst cases, fetal death.

Some of these risks are more of a nuisance than a real danger, while others can be life-threatening if left untreated.

Pregnancy-induced hypertension (PIH) is high blood pressure during pregnancy. As many as 37 percent of twin pregnancies involve PIH, which is three to four times the rate in singleton pregnancies. Left untreated, it can lead to premature labor, a baby who doesn't grow well, or a stillborn baby. It can also be a serious threat to the mother's health, especially if it develops into preeclampsia.
Preeclampsia is a condition that includes both high blood pressure and protein in the urine. Symptoms may include swelling, severe headache, and rapid weight gain. It is twice as likely to occur in mothers of multiples. If left untreated, preeclampsia can lead to eclampsia, also known as toxemia. Eclampsia causes seizures and can be life-threatening to the mother and unborn babies. While blood pressure medications and anticonvulsant medications may stabilize the mother in severe cases, so the baby can spend a little more time in the womb, the only cure for preeclampsia is delivery of the baby.
Gestational diabetes is a condition where a woman, who was not diabetic prior to pregnancy, has difficulty maintaining normal blood sugar levels. Gestational diabetes occurs in about 5 percent of singleton pregnancies, but women pregnant with twins are twice as likely to experience it. Gestational diabetes can usually be treated with diet and lifestyle changes.

Mothers pregnant with multiples are more likely to experience problems with bleeding before or during delivery.
Intense morning sickness is more likely in women pregnant with twins. For some, this is more of a nuisance than a danger, but some may develop hyperemesis gravidarum. Hyperemesis gravidarum is severe morning sickness, which leads to a 5 percent loss in body weight for the mother and may require hospitalization.
Moms of twins are more likely to experience gastrointestinal problems during pregnancy, like constipation.
If premature labor threatens, multiple pregnancies are more likely to require bed rest, which can lead to depression and job loss.
If premature labor begins, the woman may need to take medications to stop labor and allow the babies more time in the uterus. These medications can have side effects, some mild and others more intense.
Cesarean section is more likely with multiples, due to unfavorable presentation (such as when the first baby is not head down) or complications, which means longer recovery for the mother after birth and a higher risk of complications during labor.

Mothers of multiples are more likely to experience postpartum depression.

Risks for the Babies During a Twin Pregnancy

Twin pregnancies have a higher rate of miscarriage. In some cases, one twin may miscarry or simply "vanish," leaving a surviving twin. This is also known as Vanishing Twin Syndrome.

Twins are at risk for intrauterine growth discordance, which is when one twin grows significantly slower than another. In identical twin pregnancies or pregnancies where twins share one placenta, this can be a sign of twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS), where one twin takes more than its share of blood flow from the placenta. TTTS occurs in 10 percent of monochorionic pregnancies. If left untreated, severe TTTS can lead to infant heart failure or death of one or both twins.

Twins are more likely to have low birth weights, even when they are born on time. Twins are also more likely to become jaundiced.

Risk of Prematurity

Twin pregnancies have a higher risk for prematurity, which means birth that occurs after 20 weeks but before 37 weeks gestation. Just 40 percent of twin pregnancies go full term. The average twin pregnancy is 35 weeks, compared to the average singleton pregnancy, which is 39 weeks.

Prematurity may lead to a number of problems, including:

Immature lungs, leading to difficulty in breathing. Premature babies may be put on ventilators until the lungs mature.
Stomach and intestinal tract problems.
Nervous system problems, including bleeding in the brain.
Low birth weight.
Feeding problems, including difficulty with breastfeeding.

Thanks to advances in technology, 90 percent of infants born after 28 weeks survive. However, even babies who survive prematurity are at risk for long-term effects. Long-term complications of prematurity may include:

Bronchopulmonary dysplasia (BPD), a chronic lung condition that may require oxygen support for weeks or months after birth.
General respiratory problems, including a higher likelihood of developing asthma and respiratory infections.
Developmental delays.
Learning disabilities, and in severe cases, retardation. This may not become evident for years.
Cerebral palsy.
Vision problems.
Hearing loss.

Premature birth is also difficult for the parents, who go through the stress of having the babies in the NICU for days, weeks, or months, depending on how early the babies are born and what complications occur. Not being able to take your baby home can be very upsetting, and seeing your baby hooked up to the NICU equipment can be heartbreaking.

Have a Healthy Twin Pregnancy

You can’t eliminate the risks of a twin pregnancy, but there are steps you can take to reduce those risks. They include...

Get regular prenatal care. The sooner any problems are caught, the better care you can receive. Getting regular prenatal care, ideally with a doctor with experience with twin pregnancies, is essential.

Eat well. Your diet can have a big impact on your pregnancy and your twins. Research has found that adequate weight gain during a twin pregnancy can help ensure the babies are born at a healthier weight. You want to be sure your diet has a good amount of protein as well, to help grow those babies.

Stay hydrated. Dehydration can trigger premature labor in any pregnancy. In a twin pregnancy, your risk may be higher. If you’re thirsty, drink!

Don’t put yourself on bed rest. Your doctor may place you on partial or strict bed rest at some point in your pregnancy, if there are complications warranting it. However, don’t put yourself on bed rest without reason. There are risks to bed rest, and there’s no benefit if it’s done out of routine.

Know the signs and symptoms of premature labor. If ignored, labor may progress to a point where things can't be stopped. However, if caught early enough, it may be possible to delay birth by weeks or even months. Every day in the womb gives the babies lungs and body time to develop.

A Word From Verywell

There are risks to twin pregnancies, for both the mom and baby. However, good prenatal care can help reduce some of these risks. Talk to your doctor about any concerns, and advocate for yourself and your babies.

How to Ease New-Father Fears

I was outside mowing the lawn when my wife, Ann Marie, announced that she was in labor. She stood on the deck, her face a combination of joy, excitement, and pain. I forced a smile, but I was petrified. Despite the parenting classes we had attended, the books we had read, and the off-key Beatles songs I had crooned to my unborn daughter through Ann Marie's belly, the notion of becoming a dad hadn't seemed real until that moment.

Instantly a cascade of doubts crashed down on me. Ann Marie was preparing to start medical school, and I was starting out as a freelance writer -- how would we be able to afford the added expenses? Would I be a flop as a father? I'd never even babysat before. Were my Sunday afternoons of vegging out watching football gone forever?

I was embarrassed by my mixed emotions at what should have been a magical moment. But after confiding in several college buddies with children, I discovered I was far from alone: All admitted to having had similar worries when their kids were born.

"It's natural for a dad to be scared stiff about money and his ability to be a good parent -- and about the new competition for his wife's attention," says Bruce Linton, Ph.D., a family therapist in Berkeley, California, and the founder of Fathers' Forum, which provides moral support to new and expectant dads. "The key is to cope with these fears, not be consumed by them." Here are five of the biggest anxieties first-time fathers face -- and how to overcome them.
How can we afford our new baby?

"Feeling uneasy about the added cost of raising an infant isn't neurotic -- it's an economic necessity," says Kyle Pruett, M.D., a adviser and author of Fatherneed: Why Father Care Is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child. Money pressures can loom even larger when a dad becomes the sole wage-earner. That's what Ned Tobey, of Winston-Salem, North Carolina, experienced after his wife, Allison, left her advertising job to take care of their baby boy, Lance. "It was nerve-racking," Ned says. "Suddenly, what little disposable income we had went straight to disposable diapers."

How to Deal: Don't let financial challenges blunt the pleasures of parenthood. If the numbers aren't adding up, do what the Tobeys did: Plot out every household expense, and set a family budget that is within your means. "We had to cut down on toys for ourselves, like a new car and a new TV, and we couldn't travel as much," Ned explains. "But it was a lifestyle change we really didn't mind making."
Will I be a good father?

New dads -- who often are clueless about feeding, bathing, changing, burping, and caring for a baby until their own arrives -- tend to be less confident about their ability to meet an infant's needs than new moms. Eric Brockett panicked silently when his son, Thomas, was born. "It's a totally new experience," says the Upton, Massachusetts, father. "You don't get any practice, so you have no idea how you're going to react to all the demands of being a dad."

How to Deal: Understand that you don't become an expert overnight. Eric met his fear head-on, offering his wife, Rosario, long breaks on weekends so he could do some solo caregiving. The more time he spent with his infant son, the more comfortable, playful, and excited he became about parenthood. "After being together one-on-one for a while, that whole fear of the unknown went away," he says.
How will I concentrate on both my baby and my job?

Today's dads define themselves not merely as breadwinners but also as nurturers. To devote more time to their little ones, some new fathers consciously step off the fast track or arrange to work shorter hours. Others, like John Persano, of Escondido, California, even change plans completely. John was going to pursue a career in the U.S. Marines, but after the birth of his daughter, he decided to look for a private-sector job instead. "I made the decision so I could spend more time with Alyssa," he says.

How to Deal: Ask any working mom. Women have proven for years that with a little flexibility it's possible to be fulfilled on the job and at home. That balance is hard to come by, but John achieved it. Instead of becoming a career military man, he signed up for the Marine Reserves. After a tour of duty in Iraq, he went to work for a military contractor, using skills he developed in the armed services. He arrives at work extra early so he can spend several hours each evening with Alyssa before she goes to bed. "It's the right trade-off for me," he says. "I'm more in control of the time I spend with my family, and I still get to do work that I enjoy."
Will I ever get my wife's attention again?

The scenario is common: With Mom busy tending to the newborn, Dad begins to feel like a third wheel. "I tell new fathers that if your wife isn't paying attention to you, everything's normal," Dr. Linton says.

The adjustment was difficult for Andrew Cope, of Burlingame, California, after the birth of his son, David. For the first two months, he and his wife, Lisa, spent their rare free moments catching up on sleep -- leaving them no time for each other. "I kept wondering, 'Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?' " he says.

How to Deal: Concoct ways to have fun as a family. For Andrew and Lisa, that meant taking daily walks near their home with David. "It helps us reconnect," Andrew says. "It's our time alone together, even though our baby is in the stroller."
Will I ever get my old life back?

Many men obsess about losing their old identity. Peter Igneri, a physician's assistant from Colchester, Vermont, worried he'd have to give up his post at the local volunteer firehouse when Ellis, the first of his two sons, was born. "I've been a firefighter since I was a teenager," he says. "I was used to dropping everything to respond to calls, and I couldn't anymore."

How to Deal: Make compromises. Peter pared back his commitment to the fire department significantly until he settled into a new family schedule. Then, when Ellis turned 1, he gradually stepped up his volunteer efforts. "I can't run out the door every time there's a fire because my wife and kids come first, but I'm involved again," he says.

10 Things to Know About Newborns

1.Baby may be, well, a little funny-looking.

His head may be smooshed from his journey through the birth canal, and he might be sporting a "bodysuit" of fine hair called lanugo. He could also be puffy-faced and have eyes that are often shut (and a little gooey). After all, he just spent nine months in the womb. But pretty soon, he'll resemble that beautiful baby you imagined.

2.Don't expect rewards -- smiles or coos -- until about the 6-week mark.

Up until then, you're working for a boss who only complains! To get through the exhaustion and emotional upheaval, keep this in mind: your efforts aren't lost on baby in those early days. "He feels comforted by his father or mother, he feels attachment, he likes to be held," says Los Angeles-based pediatrician Christopher Tolcher, MD.

3.Give baby sponge baths until the umbilical cord falls off.

If it's kept dry, it falls off faster -- usually within two weeks. Besides, newborns don't get very dirty! If the cord does get wet, pat it dry. And if the stump bleeds a little when the cord falls off, that's okay, too, as Alyson Bracken, of West Roxbury, Massachusetts, learned. "It scared me at first," she says, but then she found out that, as with a scab, mild bleeding was normal.

4.The soft spot can handle some handling.

"I was terrified of the soft spot," admits April Hardwick, of New York City, referring to the opening in the skull, also called the fontanel, which allows baby to maneuver out of the birth canal. "Gemma had a full head of hair at birth, and I was initially afraid to comb over the soft spot," Hardwick says. But there was no need to worry: "It's okay to touch the soft spot and baby's hair near it," says Tanya Remer Altmann, MD, pediatrician and author of Mommy Calls. The spot may pulsate because it's directly over blood vessels covering the brain.

5.She'll let you know if she's getting enough food.

Baby needs to eat every two to three hours -- but if you're nursing, it's tough to know how much milk she's getting. "The baby's weight is the best indicator in the early days," says Dr. Tolcher. Your pediatrician will check it within a few days of discharge. A newborn loses 5 to 8 percent of her birthweight within the first week but should gain it back by the second. Diaper-counting can also act as a gauge: her schedule those first five days is haphazard, but after that, you'll see five to six wet diapers a day, and at least one or two stools.

6.Dry skin is the norm for newborns.

Initially, he may be soft and silky, but that changes. "If you soaked yourself in liquid for nine months and then hit the air, you'd be dry too!" says Laura Jana, MD, pediatrician and coauthor of Heading Home With Your Newborn. You don't have to do anything about dry skin (it typically peels and flakes off), but if you're so inclined, reach for a hypoallergenic baby lotion that is fragrance-free. Little pink bumps, diaper rashes, and even baby acne may also make an appearance. "Acne tends to last for a few months," Dr. Jana says. "So get those cute newborn pics before one month!"

7.You don't have to hole up at home.

"Lead a normal life, but use common sense when you go out in public," Dr. Tolcher says. Keep baby out of the sun, and avoid sick people (no toddler birthday parties!) and crowded enclosed spaces (such as the mall during the holidays). "Teach older siblings to touch baby's feet instead of her hands and face, which will help prevent the spread of infection," he adds. And make your older child the hygiene police, says Dr. Jana. He'll love telling guests, "Don't touch the baby without washing your hands."

8.Babies cry a lot -- that's how they communicate!

Their piercing wails will let you know they're hungry, cold, have a dirty diaper, or want to be held. These early "conversations" can be frustrating, but rest assured, you'll get a better handle on what she needs in time. Laurie May, of Boardman, Ohio, and her husband quickly learned to read their daughter's hunger signal. When they were brand-new parents, they set an alarm to go off every two hours to wake Carter for a feeding. "We did not need the alarm!" she says. "We love to laugh at that one now."

9.Newborn babies also sleep a lot -- but not for long stretches.

Those first three months are a free-for-all. Baby needs to eat every two to three hours, so you're not getting much sleep either. "It does get better," assures Dr. Altmann. "Most infants can sleep for six to eight hours by 3 months of age." In the meantime, try to get baby on a day and night schedule: during the day, don't let him snooze more than three hours without waking him to feed; at night let him sleep as long as he wants once he's regained the weight he lost at birth.

10.The newborn stage is fleeting.

Stressed, tired, and lonely? Yes, those early days are hard. But they'll soon be behind you. Barbara Evans, of New York City, says, "I wish I'd known how quickly the time goes." The mom to Luella, 8 months, says, "I didn't take enough pictures or keep notes!" Rabeea Baloch, of Sugarland, Texas, shares some veteran-mom experience: "With my first, I stressed over every single thing, from changing diapers to whether baby was crying more than usual. With my second, I just enjoyed holding her, smelling her, kissing her, and loving the time together."

How Your Partner Can Interact with Baby

Those poor dads. With all the action happening in the mother's belly, Dad can feel pretty left out. You can draw him out of the shadows and into your baby's life by including him in some of these ways:

Invite him to accompany you to medical appointments. Give him a book on fatherhood to occupy him while you're sitting in the doctor's waiting room.

Ask for his input on decisions such as which crib to buy and what color to paint the nursery. Even if he'll happily leave those choices up to you, he may like being asked.

Give him the lead role in your pregnancy. He shouldn't have to play second fiddle to your mother, your sister, or your best friend.

Talk with him about his own father. Ask him how he thinks his parenting style will differ from his father's.

Encourage him to rub your belly. Some partners hold back from doing this. Welcome him by placing his hands on your belly.

Set aside "kick time" for him. Many babies are at their most active when you lie down at the end of the day. Schedule a half hour or so before bedtime for the two of you to lie in bed together feeling the baby kick -- you from the inside, your partner from the outside.

Invite him to talk and sing to your baby. Research shows that babies are born recognizing familiar voices.

Give him jobs to do. For example, ask him to burn a CD with music you might want to listen to during labor.

Originally published in You & Your Baby: Pregnancy.

All content on this Web site, including medical opinion and any other health-related information, is for informational purposes only and should not be considered to be a specific diagnosis or treatment plan for any individual situation. Use of this site and the information contained herein does not create a doctor-patient relationship. Always seek the direct advice of your own doctor in connection with any questions or issues you may have regarding your own health or the health of others.

A Global Potluck

It's not that I have anything against covered casseroles and layered salads, but when I started pulling together a potluck for a few close friends and their kids, I decided to get more ambitious with what could be on the menu.

The truth is, as a food writer I always feel a little guilty for not exposing my 20-month-old to a steady diet of gourmet tidbits. Instead, when cooking for Dahlia I tend to take the safe way with meatballs and pizza. No mom likes to have her homemade miso salmon or mushroom risotto flung from the high chair tray by a toddler, especially when buttered pasta gets devoured with a smile.

When I thought about the guest list for the potluck gathering, I realized that I had the opportunity both to broaden my daughter's palate and to enjoy some new taste experiences myself. I knew well enough that if Dahlia saw the bigger kids digging into what for her might be unusual foods, she would be far more likely to take a bite than if I served her the same thing for dinner.

The group happened to be made up of a diverse collection of friends, each one connected to a yummy edible tradition. So I asked the guests to supply dishes that reflected their diversity, hoping that a wide-ranging buffet would be a way for both parents and kids to get a taste of one another's culture.

Everyone was game. My cohosts were Francine Stephens and Andrew Feinberg, owners of Franny's, a Brooklyn restaurant, and the gourmet food store Bklyn Larder. They ladled out Francine's mother's matzoh-ball soup. To make it more kid-friendly, they scaled down the matzoh balls into bite-size orbs and served the soup in teacups. Their 3-year-old son, Marco, dove in, gobbling matzoh balls with toddlerish abandon.

Francine's best friend from childhood, Annie Fensterstock, and her husband, Mike Romero, came with their daughter, Luna, and brought pancit, a traditional Filipino rice-noodle stir-fry that Mike's mother is famous for. This was a lighter version of the dish, without the usual chicken, served on a bed of shredded cabbage and carrots to turn it into a salad (pasta salad in disguise!). Even though it had a gentle kick, the bigger kids adored dropping the skinny translucent noodles into their mouth by the fistful, which Dahlia emulated to the best of her still-uncoordinated ability. We parents showered it with hot sauce served on the side.

The most far-flung dish of the day came from Dulcy Israel and Mark Johnson: doro wat, a piquant Ethiopian chicken stew. They had eaten the dish in Ethiopia, where they adopted their 4-year-old twin girls, Terefech and Aster. The girls are big fans of their simplified recipe, which calls for boneless chicken cooked in an onion- and chili-scented gravy. We served it with flour tortillas, which stood in for the hard-to-find injera bread that is the dish's classic accompaniment.

On my end, I decided to start with my husband's side of the family because we both love the cuisine of Northern India, which is where his birth father is from. Daniel, having grown up in Denver eating the solid American fare of his adoptive parents, never tasted a curry until college, but he fell in love with the intense, pungent flavors. To highlight those, I made spiced chickpeas and cauliflower, which I hoped would be salty, savory, and crunchy enough to please my french fry-loving toddler.

But just to hedge my bets (and because no one else volunteered a dessert), I also made mini apple tarts Tatin. Not only were these sure to be a hit with the little ones (each kid got an individual pastry), they are also easy to make ahead of time. While it's true that I probably don't have a drop of Gallic blood in my Eastern European veins, I did spend several of my childhood summer vacations exchanging houses with families from Provence. So I figured that had to count.

To their credit and my relief, the kids, curious about the unfamiliar but festive-looking bowls of food, tasted and actually enjoyed everything. Even Dahlia gleefully joined the fray.

It was a rather hodgepodge selection of dishes. Then again, like most friends, we are a hodgepodge group. But children never notice these things -- they're just here for the food.

Should Kids Be Allowed to Take Mental Health Days?

Last summer, the story about a CEO who encouraged employees to take mental health days went viral. It led to numerous media stories about the importance of taking care of your mental health — including taking a mental health day when you need one.

But what about kids? Should you let your child take a mental health day from school? The answer isn't a simple yes or no.

In my 15 years as a psychotherapist, I've encouraged a few parents to let their kids take an occasional mental health day from school. But I've also had to convince many other parents that their children's mental health days were doing more harm than good.

How to Know If Your Child Needs a Mental Health Day

You wouldn’t question keeping your child home from school if she had the flu. But it’s harder to recognize when your child needs to stay home for mental health reasons.

It’s important for kids to power through some discomfort, like going to school even when they’re afraid of giving a presentation, or when they don’t have their math homework done. There’s a lot of value in showing them that they’re stronger than they think.

But when they’re feeling so bad that they’re struggling to function, and going to school is likely to make it worse, a mental health day might be just what the doctor ordered.

Letting kids take the occasional mental health day — maybe once or twice a year — could reinforce to them that it’s vital to take care of their minds as well as their bodies. It can also be a great opportunity to help them sharpen their emotional skills and build the mental muscle they need to stay strong.

How to Make a Mental Health Day Helpful

If you decide to let your child take a day off from school for a little emotional recuperation, make the most of her time off. Turn the day into an opportunity to help your child for the long haul, not just something that will make her feel better for 24 hours.

A good way to spend a mental health day is to use the time to:

1.Solve a problem. If your child is stressed out by a specific problem, like being bullied on the playground, or if he’s fallen so far behind in one of his classes it looks like he won’t be able to pass, you might be able to turn a mental health day into a problem-solving opportunity. Schedule a meeting with the school, sit down and problem-solve with your child, or meet with people who can help.

2.Practice self-care. If your child is exhausted, overworked, or rundown, an occasional day off may help him charge his batteries. It could be an opportunity to jumpstart healthier habits, like going to sleep earlier, eating nutritious food, and getting plenty of exercise.

3.See a professional. If your child is struggling to attend school, seek professional help. Schedule an appointment with your pediatrician to talk about your child’s mental health needs. A physician may refer you to a mental health professional if it’s warranted.

Using a mental health day to escape reality or avoid problems, however, could actually do more harm than good. After all, the problems will still be there tomorrow, and going back to school will be even more challenging if the issues are left unaddressed.

Avoid these activities on a mental health day:

1.Binge-watching TV. You might think a relaxing day in front of the TV or a chance to unwind playing video games will help. But research shows binge-watching TV is bad for mental health. A 2015 study published in International Communications Association found that binge-watching TV increases feelings of loneliness and depression.

2.Sleeping all day. Staying in bed or being inactive all day could worsen your child’s symptoms. Even if your child is sleep-deprived, don’t let her sleep too much. You’ll disrupt her sleep cycle, and it will be even more difficult for her to get back on track.

3.Rewarding your child for staying home. While staying home shouldn’t be a punishment, you also don’t want your child to think she’s skipping school to have fun. Resist the temptation to take your child out for lunch or to spend the day at the playground when she’s having a rough time. Doing so could send the wrong message.

Make Mental Strength Building a Priority

If your child needs more than the occasional mental health day, it could be a sign that he needs better coping skills, more guidance, and professional assistance to help him feel better.

You can’t prevent all mental health problems, just like you can’t always prevent physical illness. But you can take steps to help your child build the mental strength she needs to stay as emotionally fit as possible.

The Modern Baby Shower: 6 Things You Need to Know

Soon enough, just about everything in your life is going to revolve around your baby. If that's not reason enough to let someone throw you a fabulous mom-to-be bash, consider this: "A baby shower can really help you feel less overwhelmed by equipping you with a lot of what you'll need when the baby arrives," says Jodi Cohen, cofounder of JOWY Productions, a Los Angeles event company. Whatever helps relieve new-parent stress is a very good thing. That's why we're answering expectant moms' most common baby-shower questions.

Who should throw my baby shower?
A baby shower is a bit different from some other parties because it's typically not something you throw for yourself. Usually a close friend, a coworker, or a relative organizes it (although some etiquette sticklers frown upon the latter, saying it may look self-serving if immediate family members host). If you're really into party planning or everyone else in your life is just too busy, go ahead and plan your shower yourself -- just ask a friend to send the invites and gather the RSVPs. The timing is important; you want to have the party at least four to six weeks before your due date so that you'll have plenty of time to borrow or buy any necessities for your baby that you still need -- and so you'll actually have energy to enjoy the party!

Do I have to invite my mom's best friend's daughter?
Exactly whom to invite -- tight-knit friends and immediate family only, coworkers, your grandma's friend Helga, husbands and boyfriends -- is 100 percent up to you and the host. But for the most fun event possible, Cohen suggests inviting only the people who are closest to you, so everyone truly shares in your joy, rather than feeling obliged to attend.

May I have a shower for baby #2 or #3?
Although it used be considered trí¨s gauche by etiquette experts to have a second-baby shower, it's totally okay these days. "A shower is about celebrating the new life -- and if people want to celebrate every birth, even if they have 20 kids, that's fine," says Cheri Osmundsen, a mom of three in San Clemente, California. If you feel strange about having a big baby bash when you've already been fíªted once or twice before, consider a smaller-scale get-together or brunch so your friends can "sprinkle" you with love and token prezzies rather than showering you with gifts.

Should we open presents during the shower or after?
People love to see tiny cute clothes and stuffed animals -- but if the pile is huge, gift-opening can get tedious for guests or make those who brought smaller gifts feel bad. You and your host should decide what feels right to you, but it often works out best when presents are opened later, says Cohen. "Depending on the size of your guest list, gift-opening can go on and on, and a shower should really be three hours long at the most," she says. And, of course, even if your guests insist that a thank-you note isn't necessary, you should always send one. (You have up to the baby's 2-month birthday to say thanks without being late, according to EmilyPost.com.)

How do we make the shower truly fun?
We've all been to boring baby showers where the games are dorky, embarrassing for the mom-to-be, or gross (guess the candy squished into the diaper? No thanks!). A few fun tips from moms and party experts:

Get crafty.
Give everyone fabric paints and a plain white one-piece and bib to decorate. The best part of this messy-but-brilliant baby-shower activity is that it's not only fun for guests, but the mom-to-be ends up with handmade keepsakes that she'll actually use. Leave it casual, or turn it into a contest by having guests vote on their favorite piece and giving the winner a bottle of wine. Another option: Have each guest write a message or draw a picture with permanent markers or fabric paints on a square of fabric; then, post-party, Mom's craftiest friend can sew the squares together into a cute play blanket or quilt.

Play updated games.
"My favorite shower game is when each guest brings a picture of him- or herself as a baby and you have to guess who's who," says Nicole Zeman, a mom of two in Portland, Oregon. Another matching game to try: Linking up weird celebrity baby names with their famous parents. Give little prizes to the winners of both. (Anyone who knows that Bear Blu is Alicia Silverstone's son and Kal-El -- Superman's real name -- belongs to Nicolas Cage deserves some sort of reward for her trivia knowledge.) Yet another fun option from mom Tracy Saelinger, of Lake Oswego, Oregon: "At my shower someone made up a list of traits and had me write down in advance whether I wanted the baby to get those attributes from me or his dad. The guests had to guess what I picked -- eyes, dad; IQ, me, of course! It was hilarious, and we all had a good laugh about both my quirks and my husband's."

Serve fancy cocktails and mocktails.
"A signature specialty drink is always fun and it's an easy way to reinforce the theme of the party if you have one," says Cohen. "For a shower with a nursery-rhyme theme, the drink could be called the Itsy-Tipsy Spider; if it's a book-themed party, guests can drink Tequila Mockingbirds." Yum!

Can we ditch the traditional setup altogether
More and more moms are opting for parties that feel closer to a girls' night out than a standard baby shower. In fact, fancy mom-to-be soirées have become so popular at Stephanie King-Myers' original art-and-wine studio, in Chicago, that she now offers "Baby Bump" parties at all 13 of her Bottles and Bottega locations around the country. Guests drop in, have light hors d'oeuvres, sip champagne, look at art -- and, if they want to, even create some of their own with the help of the studio's resident artists. Another popular option: The mani-pedi party. Just block out a couple of hours at your favorite salon, or find a local "mobile spa" service that will come to you and your guests. And one last idea, not for the faint of heart or bashful of body: a women-only group belly-dancing lesson. Talk about celebrating your baby bump! Get everyone matching tank tops and beach wraps or simple pareos, and let the hip shaking and belly quaking begin.

Should you have pets and newborn babies in the same house?

Most couples become parents to a "furbaby" before adding a newborn to the mix. While technically a pet, this furbaby is loved and treated like first-born child. It's almost like your dog or cat becomes a big sibling when you and your spouse bring home your actual baby.

Other families decide to add a pet to the family soon after having a baby, and still more add a fur-child later down the road. However, many believe there's danger in having a pet and an infant at the same time. But what are these fears based on? A well-trained, sweet-tempered animal not only makes for a wonderful first best friend, but also provides a slew of other benefits for a baby.

Preventing illness

Research shows that bringing an infant home into a house that includes a cat or dog positively increases the baby's immune system's ability to fight illness. A study published in 2014 looked at the correlation between infants exposed daily to a pet (cat or dog) and the gut microbiome, most specifically in relation to allergic responses such as asthma. The results? "Microbiome richness and diversity tended to be increased in infants living with pets."

Simply put, babies who grow up around a cat or dog have a healthier gut than infants without pets. A healthier gut means the body can fight off illness easier and is less susceptible to suffering from chronic allergies such as asthma.

Improving gut health

Between the ages of birth and three years old, the gut develops the foundation of microbiome that will direct the entire lifespan of gut health. Of course, there will be additional damages and healings done throughout that lifespan, but the foundation is laid by age three. If science points all signs to a positive health effect on gut health, then that should be reason enough to bring home that new puppy.

Helping development

Pets have also been shown to positively impact human development and influence a child's bonds and social competence. Research has assessed children who lived in a home with a cat or dog from infancy, and found that these children scored highest in the category of empathy. Empathy is not something that can be taught easily, but children naturally grew up more empathetic if a pet was present throughout their infancy and young childhood.

This same research emphasized the importance of a child's relationship and bond with their animal being the key to this empathy. While the presence of a pet may benefit the immune system, it's the actual bond between child and pet that impacts a child's emotions.

Creating bonds

If a family is on the fence about having both a pet and human baby, evidence strongly favors raising and supporting both in a loving home. Another study revealed that children who grew up with a pet from infancy ranked their relationship with their pet "higher than certain kinds of human relationship, and the animals featured prominently as providers of comfort, esteem support and confidantes for a secret." What better way to raise a baby than with a true best friend? A supportive, loving dog or cat will love a baby unconditionally.

If further persuasion is needed, parents should know that having a pet instills responsibility in young children, as well as encouraging more physical activity and outside time. This is especially true in homes where the pet is a dog. While having an animal increases the workload and demand on the family, it has been proven to reduce anxiety, depression, and stress levels in children (and adults) who have a strong bond with the animal.

Parents can begin this bond while a baby is still in utero by introducing the pet to baby items and allowing him to hear the baby's heartbeat. Once a baby joins the family, a pet's heartbeat can be recorded and carried inside of a loved stuffed animal as a comfort item. The bond between a child and their pet is undeniably special, and the benefits of beginning this bond from infancy should be proof enough to convince any parent toying with the idea of adding another level of craziness into their home.

Our gender obsession is not serving us well. Are we ready for gender-creative parenting?

I spend a lot of time thinking about gender stereotypes and their implications. I want my two daughters, aged three and five, to avoid the pitfalls of modern femininity, so I dress them in shorts, talk to them about science and encourage them to play with cars and dinosaurs as well as their dolls.

But despite my best intentions, I haven’t been able to withstand the onslaught of girliness. Pink, princesses, and fairy wings are popular at my house. Our human knack for categorisation starts early; once each of my children understood that she was a girl, she quickly set about absorbing what that meant. Even at preschool age, their worlds are full of cues and signals telling them what girls do, what they like, how they behave.

There’s no denying we are living in a gender-obsessed moment. When you’re pregnant, the first thing everyone from your boss to your barista asks is “Do you know what you’re having?” Elaborate gender reveals are suddenly an everyday thing (this one involved an alligator). Toys, books, clothes, sports – the list goes on – are all gendered.

This preoccupation with gender is not serving us well. The gender pay gap in Australia equates to $26,000 a year. Women make up just 26.7% of ASX 200 board members. One in four women have experienced violence at the hands of an intimate partner.

Transgender and gender nonconforming individuals are much more likely to have poor mental health outcomes, “due to the high degree of stigma and prejudice that they experience for their gender identity”, says Dr Beatrice Alba, research fellow at the Australian Research Centre in sex, health and society at La Trobe University. One survey found that 48% of trans young people had attempted suicide and 80% reported self-harming

Enter “theybies”: children whose parents keep their babies’ sex secret and raise them in an environment free from gender bias. In the past, parents who have hidden their child’s gender have been subject to vitriolic criticism, but in an era of toxic masculinity, “misogynistic trash talk”, revenge porn and eating disorders, are we finally ready for gender-creative parenting?

Alba thinks so. While she believes there is a biological basis for some gender differences, she argues that many others arise from the inflexible gender roles that society enforces on children and adults. “If we weren’t so rigid in the way that we maintain gender norms, we would have a more gender-equal society,” she says. “This would mean that people would not be as constrained or oppressed by gender roles and expectations, and this would mean better mental health outcomes for people of all genders.”

The failings of a gender-neutral approach like mine is what gender creative parents want to overcome. I’m just tinkering around the edges; for these parents “the gender binary must not simply be smudged but wholly eradicated from the moment that socialisation begins, clearing the way both for their child’s future gender exploration and for wholesale cultural change”, writes Alex Morris in her recent New York Magazine feature about gender creative parents in the US.

To me, parents who take the gender-creative approach seem incredibly brave. I don’t know if I would have the energy to constantly explain my radical choice to the many people in my children’s lives (spelling out their double-barrelled surname is hard enough) or handle the inevitable resistance that our family would encounter along the way, but I have no doubt that the kids would take it all in their stride. Small children are delightfully free from judgment, making sense of the world as they go.

Surely the hardest part would be other people. In Australia, we are notoriously reluctant to break with tradition. Some of our ideas around gender roles remain stubbornly fixed (stay-at-home dads, for example, remain an anomaly in Australia, making up just 4% of two-parent families). “There might always be a conservative section of society that is committed to maintaining the status quo around gender roles,” acknowledges Alba. “As long as adults believe that men and women should play different roles in society and in the home, they will raise their children to do the same.”

“Let boys be boys and girls be girls” is a common refrain from commentators who want to maintain the masculine/feminine status quo, but surely gender creative parenting lets kids be kids? Not princesses, or little soldiers. Kids who express emotions: cry, rage, smile, laugh. Kids who play with balls, blocks, dolls, trucks. If we take away the lens of gender, maybe we’ll see our children, and their character and behaviour, more objectively.

Make your childhood come to life for your kid with this fun activity

Every week we give you the resources to have family time that's easy, educational and fun for everyone! Each family time includes a quote or story, conversation starters and an activity. If you want to share your family time with us, tell us about it here. In the meantime, try this week's family time below:

Family Chat

Introduce this quote to your kids and have a family discussion about what it means and how it applies to their life.

Context

"To not judge a man until you've walked in his shoes" is a classic American proverb. This quote specifically comes from Sharon Creech's book, "Walk Two Moons," about two girls who learn not to judge things based on how they look.

Discussion Questions

What does it mean to judge someone?

What are some reasons you judge people?

For younger children, explain what it means to "walk two moons in another man's moccasins" before continuing.

In what ways do you think your perspective would change if you could walk in someone else's shoes?

Even though we can't literally actually walk in someone else's shoes, what are some ways we can practice walking in their shoes before we judge them?
Family Activity: "Back in my day"

Look the part

*Pull out your yearbooks from the time you were your kids' age or peruse the internet to let your kids take a look back in time.

*On your mark, get set, go: Everyone has five minutes to create an outfit mimicking your high school days with what they can find in their closet and around the house.

*Don't forget to take a picture! (Bonus points if you use film!)

Tunes

*Show your kids some of your favorite songs from when you were their age.

*Break the family into two teams. Each team picks a song and has 15 minutes to choreograph a dance to it.

*Perform your routines for each other.

We'd love to see what your family comes up with! Upload videos of your routines with #famitime to share your family night with us and families all over the world!

Why Babies Prefer Mommy Over Daddy

So, here’s the scenario:  You and your husband are enjoying a quiet Sunday afternoon sitting in the living room together catching up on the week’s DVR recordings. Your 11 month old has been blissfully napping for the past hour and now she wakes up cooing and calling out for “Mommy!”  Your husband jumps up and turns to you bright eyed and says, “I’ll go get her!”  Before you have a chance to say “OK,” he’s off to her room and as you secretly cross your fingers, you think, “please let her be happy to see him.”  But before you have a chance to blink, you hear the baby screaming and as you enter the baby’s room, your husband turns to you looking devastated and says, “She only wants you.”

If this is your predicament, my guess is that you may be feeling a lot of empathy that your husband doesn’t feel “wanted” by the baby lately.  That said, here are some important factors to think about which may not only help the baby to feel more “warm and fuzzy” toward daddy, but may also help your husband to feel less insecure about your child’s parental preference at times:

First off, kids flip-flop by nature and the last thing a father should feel is lousy about himself as a result of the baby’s preference toward mommy.  It would greatly help to buy a book which highlights the appropriate developmental stages when babies and children may only want mommy.  Being able to refer to a book explaining this kind of behavior will not only normalize the situation for your husband, but it will help him to not take your child’s reactions so personally.  A great suggestion here are the easy to read series by Louise Bates Ames which starts with, “Your One-Year-Old: The Fun-Loving, Fussy 12-To 24-Month-Old.” Bates series has a book for each age (Your 2 Year Old, Your 3 Year Old, etc.) up to age 14 and each book will pin point the times when children may prefer one parent over the other.  Additionally, the less pressure your husband feels to “win” your child over, the less the child will feel to meet his or her father’s needs, which allow for more positive bonding between them.